ECUADOR

FEBRUARY 2006


Cuenca: The rarely seen alternate ending to "Charlotte's Web"

Ecuador: The name of the country means "equator" in Spanish, so one might assume the nation would be boiling hot -- especially with the whole global warming thing going on, right? Not necessarily. Up in the Andes Mountains, the climate is delicious. For a small country, they sure have a lot of people living in the United States. Chances are you have crossed paths with someone from Ecuador. No matter where they are, they must pray a lot, because I've never seen so many churches in my whole life. All that Bible reading must be having a positive impact; I haven't been overcharged once.

This is the only country in South America that uses the U.S. dollar as their currency. As expected, prices are far lower than in the United States. The government also issues Ecuadorian coins which can be used along with American quarters, dimes, nickels, or pennies. For some strange reason, Ecuador has taken a liking to the unpopular Sacajawea gold dollar coin. So that's where they all went!

Word on the street is, I just missed a humdinger of a student protest in Quito. It seems the kids are pissed! Not only do they want student ID cards that allow them to get a lower rate on bus fares, they're also against the Free Trade Area for the Americas agreement. It must be nice to be so young and have all this extra energy to hijack buses and burn tires just to prove a point.

Cuenca: is Ecuador's third largest city. It's a beautiful mountain oasis where you can get a good meal, great ice cream, and enjoy some amazing Colonial architecture. Plus you've gotta love a city where you can actually walk from the center to the airport.

Some Stuff in Cuenca...

  • A restaurant called New York Pizza. This is a good place for a quick bite, but the pizza is not even close to real New York pizza.
  • Cafe Eucalyptus is run by a high-strung American woman. It's not an insult, because her insane attention to detail has resulted in what is probably the best dining experience in the whole city. Great menu. Great atmosphere. Great prices.
  • A Hallmark card shop in the center of town. It's not that obvious, but it's there.
  • A shop called Hello Kitty that did not sell one single item related to the abnormally large-headed cat.
  • A courier service that specialized in sending parcels to Queens NY, Peekskill NY , and Danbury CT

    Fun Foreginers in Cuenca:

    1. While I was typing away at an Internet Cafe, a twenty-something dude on my right needed some help. I assumed he was looking for the @ key. People seem to have trouble finding it on the Spanish keyboard. Nope, not that simple. This guy told me that he had a gigantic hemorrhoid and didn't know what to do about it. We had a brief, graphic conversation about the bloody issue. I can't save the world; I eventually lost patience and told him to go the the hospital.

    2. So, I ran into a family from Denmark. I told them I had been waiting for this moment. "That's right!" I barked. "This time you can't point your finger at me and blame the United States."

    In case you haven't heard, a newspaper in Denmark, that adorable little nation on the continent that can do no wrong, has managed to pour fuel on the fire of Islamic fundamentalism by publishing a caricature of the Prophet Muhammad wearing a bomb in his turbin. To all my European friends who love to torment me about the United States' errors, hear this loud and clear -- this is a monumental screw up on your part, and the next time you harass me about my country again, I'm going to let you have it.

    Going from Cuenca to Quito: Faced with two choices, which would you choose?

    1. A ten-hour bus ride on a winding mountain road for US$12
    2. A 22-minute plane ride for US$49

    Even I'm not that much of a masochist to choose #1. The attendants on the TAME flight were barely able to serve a ham microsandwich and soda in time for the landing. I was just thrilled that the plane looked relatively new and it didn't slam into the side of a mountain. I know, I know! I can't help it. I just remember reading about these things.

    Quito: Another one of the world's highest cities. Definitely worth a couple days. There is an old city, a new city, some gorgeous plazas, and...

  • A trolley that seems to be a really big deal. The funny thing is, it's not a trolley. It's a bus with overhead electrical wires. Granted, it has an exclusive lane which is a big time saver, and large, glass-enclosed shelters at all the stops -- but a bus is not a trolley. Period.
  • La Basilica del Voto Nacional: This cathedral is wayyyyy cool. You can go all the way to the top of the bell tower by climbing several ladders. It's the perfect place to live out all your "church maintenance worker" fantasies.
  • The Virgin Mary overlooks the city. She seems pretty happy. Possibly suffering the symptoms of altitude sickness.
  • A hamburger restaurant called "G-Spot." Brilliant marketing. Delicious burgers -- some less than US$2.00
  • If you really want to sell out, Quito has an Applebee's and a Tony Roma's.

    Mitad del Mundo: About 45 minutes north of the city is a squeaky-clean tourist trap with a monument sitting on the the exact location of the equator...or maybe it isn't the exact location of the equator. A short distance away is a fun museum called Museo de Sitio Inti-Ñan. They swear the line goes through there, because they have measured it with a GPS device, not some ancient sextants. To prove they are right they demonstrate that...

  • Water flows clockwise north of the line, counterclockwise south of the line, and straight down exactly on the line. By the way, Let's Go: Ecuador says it's a scam, but I'm convinced.
  • An egg can be balanced on a nail located exactly on the line
  • You have less strength while standing on the line

    The museum also has some interesting exhibits...

  • An explanation on how to decapitate someone and make a shrunken head
  • A collection of pickled snakes and a gigantic pickled python

    Go to both places and decide for yourself, but don't miss it. It's worth the trip.

    More Mutant Corn? Look for places selling baked corn kernals. They taste like pretzal nuggets.


    Cuenca: Santa Domingo Cathedral


    Cuenca: New York Pizza!


    Cuenca: Flower Market


    Cuenca: Catedral de la Inmaculada Concepción (New Cathedral)


    Quito: La Basilica del Voto Nacional


    Quito: View of the Old Town and La Virgen de Quito
    as seen from the top of La Basilica del Voto Nacional


    Quito: As seen from the top of La Basilica del Voto Nacional


    Quito: Explore the innards of La Basilica del Voto Nacional
    Do you dare walk across the wooden plank and climb the ladder at the other side?


    Quito: Plaza de la Independencia (Plaza Grande) with
    La Virgen de Quito (top) and yet another cathedral (top right)


    At Mitad del Mundo, a monument marks the exact location of the equator, but...


    ...the nearby Museo de Sitio Inti-Ñan claims the real location has been measured by a GPS device