KYRGYZSTAN
Getting to the 'Stans: From New York, I flew Turkish Airlines via Istanbul. The JFK/Istanbul flight was about nine
hours; The Istanbul/Bishkek flight was about 4 ½. The international terminal at Istanbul's Ataturk International
Airport had a couple things I immediately noticed:
For those who've fantasized about chain smoking while slurping down your Starbucks Espresso, you'll be happy
to know that this one has a smoking section. The non-smoking
section is right next to the smoking section, so essentially the whole area is one gigantic smoking section.
And the entire food court should be sponsored by Marlboro. Just in case you forgot what life was like before
there were non-smoking
laws, spend several hours here between flights as I did, and wait for the stream of black mucus to
come pouring out of your nasal passages.
For those who've fantasized about a quickie at the airport between flights, look no further. An airport hotel
is accessible without going through passport control. Now that's a layover!
I Hereby Accept your Exceptions: A sign at the Starbucks cash register informed people that they accept
all currency "except the New Turkish Lira,"
but all change would be returned in New Turkish Lira. That would be the
equivalent of a Starbucks at JFK accepting all currencies except the U.S. dollar, but only giving you change in
U.S. dollars. What I think they were trying to say and having
trouble expressing it, was that they only accept the New Turkish Lira and
only return it as change. No other foreign currencies
accepted. No exceptions. Well, except if you pay by credit card, then it really doesn't matter.
Who are the Men in Black? Upon arrival at Manas International Airport in Kyrgyzstan, I was swarmed by several mysterious men
dressed in black carrying large, black walkie talkies. These people surely must be important, right? Not really. They're just
trying to siphon US$25 for a taxi ride to the city center. They know many people arriving at 2:00am are tired,
disoriented and probably won't question it. A British guy I met talked them down to US$10 and we shared the ride.
Kyrgyzstan: ("KEER-giz-stan") is a landlocked, mountainous, former Soviet republic. Both the
Russian and Kyrgyz languages are
spoken here. If you're like me, you don't speak either of them. As
of now, it is the only country in this region where you
can get a tourist visa upon arrival at the airport. Damn good thing considering the embassy in Washington
D.C. didn't answer their phone or respond to my emails.
Fast Facts about Kyrgyzstan:
Yurts: A popular thing for tourists to do in Kyrgyzstan is
stay in a yurt, which is
basically an icebox with a roof on it. I didn't do it. It's the middle of
winter and my back yurts just thinking about it.
An EZ guide to Color and Flower Revolutions:
Looking to toss out your communist or authoritarian government? Better pick a color or flower for
your movement first. But before you do, make sure you choose one that hasn't already been taken.
Looking to compete in the U.S. cellular industry? Better pick a color for your advertising and
packaging first. But before you do, make sure you choose one that hasn't already been taken.
The currency in Kyrgyzstan is called the som. This
could be a potential problem, don't you think?
Imagine this scenario...
Aggressive Beggar: "Give me som!"
Believe it or not, this actually happened to me in Bishkek. However, in my case, the aggressive beggar was
a slightly insane (or drunk), normally dressed, young woman
in a pink coat who wanted money for the bus. At least I thought it was for the
bus. A British man named David said he met the same exact girl in the same exact spot and politely
informed me that the woman was selling "her services."
Kyrgyzstan in the News: The relationship between the United States and Kyrgyzstan has generally been good, but
lately it's taken a turn for the worse. On the up side, when
Uzbekistan evicted the U.S. military from Karshi-Khanabad air base in
mid-2005, Kyrgyzstan allowed us to set up shop on the grounds of
Manas International Airport near Bishkek. The U.S. Air Force uses this base for its operations in Afghanistan, and the
Kyrgyz government is well compensated for its generosity -- to the tune of $150 million/year. Still, a few recent
incidents have caused some serious friction -- to the point where they're now threatening to toss us out too!
Unsolved, Unexplained, Undiscussed: On September 5, 2006,
Major Jill Metzger, a United States Air Force officer
left Manas Air Base with five others for a shopping trip to ZUM (TsUM), a Russian department store
with a branch in central Bishkek. Then
she disappeared. A few days later, she resurfaced with cut/dyed hair and a wild story about being kidnapped and beaten before
escaping her captors.
If only it were that simple.
She claimed that someone at the department store
had shoved a hard object and a note into her pocket. The note warned her that she had been given a bomb and to
follow the instructions she received. TsUM video showed her walking alone calmly out of the store. She
reportedly had hair dye on her hands when she resurfaced. Some say she was pregnant -- possibly with a child from a man other
than her husband -- and was out getting an abortion. It goes on and on.
Jill Metzger was whisked out of the country while Kyrgyz officials claim they were squeezed out of the investigation. No
official explanation has ever been given. The U.S. Justice Department is looking into it. Her family insists
it was a kidnapping; others believe the disappearance was
staged ?la Jennifer Wilbanks. Personally,
I think she had a meltdown after dealing with the store's Soviet-style customer service.
Whoops! Then came the September 26 mishap between a U.S. military jet and a Kyrgyz
passenger plane at Manas International Airport. The U.S. jet had just landed while a Kyrgyz plane took off on the
same runway. The Kyrgyz plane's right wing hit one of the American plane's engines, causing a fire and severe
damage to the U.S. aircraft. The three Americans evacuated without any trouble; the Kyrgyz plane took off
and made an emergency landing with part of its wing missing. Nobody was hurt.
An Air Force investigation concluded the accident was mostly the fault of a Kyrgyz air traffic
controller; a Kyrgyz investigation blames the crew of the U.S. jet for not leaving
the runway immediately after landing.
Bad News Comes in Threes: On December 6, 2006, Alexander Ivanov, a truck driver, was
shot by an Air Force serviceman during a security check at the entrance to Manas Air Base. The serviceman says Ivanov brandished a knife.
Now Kyrgyzstan's President Kurmanbek Bakiyev wants U.S. troops here to lose their diplomatic immunity.
I have a funny feeling the checkbook is coming out real soon
My Experience in Kyrgyzstan:
And you thought I was crazy:
At my hotel, I met a young British couple who had just driven here from London. It took them
a leisurely 2 ½ months and a good number of bribes to pull it off. Upon arrival, they sold the car for profit and
used the proceeds
to buy a plane ticket to India.
And then there was the 62-year-old restaurant owner from the D.C. area who's in
the Century Club, a small group of people who have been to more than 100 countries -- something I am aiming for. He
claimed his 20-year-old girlfriend wasn't with him, because she only liked going to comfortable destinations.
Good Eats: So after getting food poisoning within 24 hours of my arrival (It was a hamburger from
a street vendor this time), I played it safe and ate regularly at these two spots:
Toggi Bar: (Formerly known as Fatboys; located at Chuy 104; no sign at the entrance at this time)
Ignore the utterly impersonable women
who work here and enjoy the half-decent breakfast. I got "The Full Monty" which was eggs, potatoes, toast,
assorted unidentifiable meats, and beans for 120 som (US$3.00). They also had an item on the menu simply
called "Cholesterol," which was buttered toast, a fried egg, mushrooms, and fried steak for 85 som (US$2.25).
Beta Gourmet: (Chuy 150) Fresh, delicious food that is (most importantly) safe to eat. Not cheap by Kyrgyz standards, but
still cheap by U.S. standards. I got the "Mixed Grill" which had some meats and salads. With a large bottle of water
and baklava with ice cream, the bill totaled 299 som (US$7.87). It's in the same building as Beta Stores, a supermarket with
everything one could hope for.
JANUARY 2007
Ala-Too Square: Holiday decorations with the State Historical Museum in the background.
The Freedom Statue (Erkindik) is on the right. It replaced a statue of Lenin.
Clueless Tourist: "Some what?"
Aggressive Beggar: "Som! som!"
Clueless Tourist: "Some...som?"
Aggressive Beggar: "SOM! SOM!"
Clueless Tourist: "What do you need some som for?"
Aggressive Beggar: "To buy some English lessons, you idiot!"
The seat of Kyrgyzstan's government. Just to be clear, it's the building, not the car.
WWII Monument
I know the movie on the right is "Little Man", but what's the one on the left?
(Thanks to all my friends who informed me it is "The Covenant")
Gimme TsUM! The main entrance to the TsUM department store. An impressive
selection of Kyrgyz souvenirs (shouldn't that be souvynyrz?) is on the fourth floor...
...but prices are much better here
Fur hats for sale On TsUM's fourth floor...
...or perhaps you prefer to wear a carpet on your head
I swear, Aktan and I are "just friends"
The New Year's party never ends in Ala-Too Square
Of course he's smiling. There's a great liquor selection inside!
The next logical step after community college
Britney Spears matryoshka doll. Yes, she's wearing underwear,
but it doesn't even look like her!
The flag of Kyrgyzstan. There are about 40 Kyrgyz tribes or clans. This is
symbolized by the 40-rayed yellow sun in the center. (Wikipedia)