No Fisherman Here: Uzbekistan is a "doubly landlocked" country. That means it's a landlocked country surrounded entirely by other landlocked countries. A person in such a country would have to cross at least two borders to reach a coastline. There are only two such countries in the world -- Liechtenstein in Central Europe and Uzbekistan in Central Asia, if we consider the Caspian Sea as a lake. (Wikipedia)

Kindest Consulate: I have been to countless embassies and consulates around the world, but I have never met any employee more pleasant than the guy who works at the Uzbekistan Consulate in New York City. The government of Uzbekistan should be proud of this polite man who does his job diligently.

United States/Uzbekistan relations: Could certainly use some work, but tomorrow's another day.

On one hand: In 2005 Uzbekistan was listed on Freedom House's "The Worst of the Worst: The World's Most Repressive Societies".

On the other hand: On August 2, 2005, President Islam Karimov signed a decree that will abolish capital punishment in Uzbekistan on January 1, 2008.

Sure, we'll give you a hand! The New York Times -- the publication that seemingly gets enormous pleasure by leaking our national security secrets -- wrote in May 2005 that the CIA was sending clandestine planes filled with accused terrorists to Uzbekistan for interrogation, presumably done with tactics that would not be acceptable in the U.S.A.

Now, you are out of our hands! Also in May 2005, an anti-government demonstration took place in the city of Andijan. The ensuing military crackdown resulted in the death of (what some say) as many as 1,000 people. The U.S. asked for an inquiry into the incident and showed support for refugees fleeing the violence. Not long after, the U.S. Air Force was tossed off Karshi-Khanabad airbase, and moved their operations to Kyrgyzstan.

My Experience in Uzbekistan: I can't say enough good things about this country. Everyone I met was friendly and helpful. Some people spoke English very well, and many knew enough words for basic transactions. I never felt in danger at any time, unlike Latin America where the next robbery is just around the corner. Uzbekistan is a Muslim country, plain and simple, but nobody ever hassled me for being an American. In fact, I couldn't have felt more welcome. I got the feeling I was somewhat of a novelty or rare sighting, and that made it all the more enjoyable.

So I flew on Uzbekistan Airlines from Almaty to Tashkent. Sounds scary, huh? I thought so too, but it's not like that at all. In the last few years, the airline has really gotten its act together, and they dedicate most of their in-flight magazine to drilling this into your head. They go on and on about their modern planes, professional pilots, partnership with Lufthansa for parts/service/training, etc. I kicked off my shoes with confidence and ate one of the best airline meals I've ever had. Then I noticed in their magazine a flashback to 1995, the first year they flew to New York City. Next to that short article was a picture of San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge. Help! Get me off this plane!

Lonely Planet warns that taxi drivers at Tashkent Airport "do their best to extort huge sums of money from unsuspecting travelers." They say that a ride to the city should cost US$4, but "even the hardest bargaining fails to bring prices lower than US$10." Some poor souls have been driven around the city for an hour and forced to cough up US$50 before being taken to their hotel. About ten of these urchins surrounded me at the airport exit. I took a close look at all of them and chose the oldest, weakest, most pathetic one. I was sure I could kick his ass if he tried anything. The ride cost US$10. Score one for me.

The police here have a reputation for shaking down tourists. I didn't think anything of it when I read that, because I've been to cities far worse than Tashkent. However, it was in a Tashkent metro station, that for the first time in all my travels, the police asked to see my passport. They painstakingly studied it but hit a dead end. I had a valid visa, my customs declaration form, and the hotel registration slip. They didn't have anything on me and didn't get anything from me. Score two for me.

Working alone in a small shop was a sexy, young woman. After I paid for my purchase, she removed her scarf and revealed some impressive cleavage. "Do you think this is too revealing?" she asked bluntly.

"Absolutely not," I replied calmly as if trying not to show any reaction. "In fact, I think you should be showing more."

"My boyfriend doesn't like when I wear these clothes," she said with a pout.

"Then you need a new boyfriend," I replied.

This went back and forth for a good hour. I finally gave up and concluded this girl had a very possessive boyfriend, and she got her jollies trying to get reactions from the stream of men that passed through the doors of this shop. Score one for her.

I brought about $70 in Kazakh tenge with me into Uzbekistan. Never did I imagine what a problem it would be to get rid of it. Every bank and exchange booth looked at me like I was showing them the Colombian peso. Mind you, the Kazakh border is not even thirty minutes away, so I did the only thing I could think of -- I took a taxi to the border and exchanged all of it. It wasn't even an actual exchange booth. A woman sitting at a table in a decrepit food shop selling about ten items took the Kazakh money at a mediocre rate.

As I was counting the money I said the words "six, six" and the woman burst out laughing. Apparently the way I pronounced "six" was rather close to the way some nationality in this region pronounces "sex." I don't care what I said, I sure as hell wasn't giving her seventy bucks for it.

New Friends:

Friend #1: a local university student who asked me for the time, then showed me around town. The following day, he brought me to his uncle's house where thirty people lived and some of us feasted on plov, a local Uzbek meal consisting of rice, meat, and eggs. Nice kid. I hope to return the favor if he ever comes to the U.S.A by introducing him to my local favorite, the $6.99 Chinese buffet.

Friend #2: a local woman who asked me to be her "boyfriend for the night." She lived with her family in a very ordinary apartment. They didn't seem to care. We broke up the following day when she showed up drunk at my hotel.

Friend #3: a teacher who did the impossible -- found a place to have a normal meal in Samarkand. Then he wanted a favor from me...to write a love letter in English to a girl who appeared to have zero interest in him. If my letter causes her suicide, I swear to God I never wrote it. He really didn't want me to leave. "I want to take you to my village," he pleaded. "I want to show you my donkey!" I'm not sure which donkey he was referring to, but I didn't stick around long enough to find out.

Other stuff: