Introduction
Kyrgyzstan
Kazakhstan
Uzbekistan
Tajikistan
Afghanistan
Turkmenistan

AFGHANISTAN

JANUARY 2007


Local fascination with German International Security Assistance
Force (ISAF) troops on the outskirts of Mazar-e-Sharif

Afghanistan: Unless you've been living under a rock, you know this country is a battleground in the war on terror, but is it possible there is any tourism value here at all? Isn't it extremely dangerous? Isn't the whole country in flames? And how does one even get here?

Well, the short answer is that physically getting here isn't really a problem at all. Tourist visas are issued without much fuss, and several airlines fly in and out of Kabul on a regular basis. Most of the current fighting is limited to the southern and eastern portions of the country where the Taliban still have strongholds. Northern and western areas, including the capital city, Kabul, are relatively calm. During my time in Afghanistan, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi showed up to announce the Bush administration's plans to send US$10.6 billion for the purpose of rebuilding the country and improving security.

Things can change without warning here. My best advice would be to follow the news closely, talk to anyone who knows anything about the situation, and keep a local person by your side when possible. If you choose to ignore this advice, then don't say I didn't warn you. A friend of mine was robbed at gunpoint while walking alone around the city with some camera equipment. He refused to give it up, and they shot him -- or at least they tried to anyway. Seems the gun wasn't loaded or it misfired; there was only a click. My friend ran off and escaped unharmed. Let that be a lesson to you.

Who are the Taliban? It started in the early 1990's as a student religious movement in Pakistan; they quickly took power in most of Afghanistan. Their doctrine stops short of banning women from breathing. Had the 9/11 attacks never happened, there's a pretty good chance they would still be running the country. But after 9/11, the U.S. military intervened since they provided refuge for Osama bin Laden. The Taliban were initially defeated, but they're not going quietly into the night. The war continues on.

Who was Ahmad Shah Massoud? He was the leader of the Northern Alliance who warned the CIA that his assassination would be a signal that something terrible was about to happen. He was killed by two men posing as journalists who rigged a bomb into their camera equipment. His prophecy turned out to be accurate; two days later, the 9/11 attacks took place.

Who was Johnny "Mike" Spann? He was the first U.S. combat fatality in the war on terrorism. Spann was a CIA operative working in Afghanistan, and he interrogated American Taliban suspect John Walker Lindh. During a prison revolt near the northern Afghan city of Mazar-e-Sharif, Mike Spann was killed. A memorial was built at the site of his death (picture below). He is buried at Arlington National Cemetery.

Who was "The Fonz of Kabul?" I was really looking forward to staying at Kabul's famous Mustafa Hotel. I mean, this is the legendary place where journalists, hired-guns, tourists, and other assorted characters eat, drink, and crash. Everyone loved the manager, Wais Faizi, who was a former bodybuilding champion, Al Pacino fan, and car salesman from (of all places) New Jersey. I couldn't wait to meet this guy. Then I noticed printouts of various stories announcing his death taped onto the walls of the lobby and restaurant.

On December 27, 2006, 36-year-old Wais was found dead of a heart attack in his room at the Mustafa. Mysterious circumstances? It sure seems so. Opening a bar in a country that prohibits alcohol is certainly a risky business, but the worker at the hotel who said he found his body told a story about how Wais had asthma and accidentally locked himself in the bathroom while taking a shower. He supposedly collapsed after inhaling leaking propane gas from the hot water heating system. Mysterious circumstances? It sure seems so. Still, the Mustafa will always be the Mustafa, and "The Fonz of Kabul" will be greatly missed by all who knew him.

What were the Buddhas of Bamiyan? In March 2001, when the Taliban controlled most of Afghanistan, they destroyed Afghanistan's major tourist draw: two remarkable, enormous Buddhas carved into the side of a mountain. The Taliban defended their destruction by saying idols were prohibited by Islamic law. They also argued that the rest of the world was more concerned about protecting this UNESCO World Heritage Site than helping the starving Afghan people. Reconstruction is being discussed. Meanwhile Japanese artist Hiro Yamagata is planning to recreate the Bamiyan Buddhas by beaming images of the Buddhas onto the cliff with lasers powered by hundreds of windmills that would also supply electricity to nearby residents.

My Experience in Afghanistan: T.C. and I traveled overland from the Tajikistan border to Kunduz which took a little more than an hour. We spent the night at a hotel with no hot water and a wood-burning stove inside the room. I did not get food-related illness once while traveling with him, because he always knew exactly where to eat, and he would walk directly into the kitchen and talk to the workers. Sometimes he would even wash the dishes himself. That guy taught me some important rules about eating in places like Afghanistan: bring lots of small snacks, bread at restaurants is usually a safe bet, but stay away from prepared salads, and never eat anything that physically touches the plate.

So, I guess you think the biggest threat in Afghanistan is Islamic extremists, right? Ummm, no, because unless you go to exactly where they are -- and those places are very specific -- you'll never see them. The biggest health and safety concerns here are pretty basic:

  • The pollution from dust in the air, vehicles, and people heating their homes with wood or oil stoves
  • Road accidents: It's almost a guarantee
  • Food poisoning: It's almost a guarantee
  • Sporadic electricity provided by generators
  • Frequent lack of hot water. New record for me: seven days without showering
  • Your sunrise wakeup call: The Call to Prayer
  • In Kabul, child beggars attach themselves to you and follow you for long distances

    The reality is Afghanistan is absolutely, positively amazing, and photo opportunities are everywhere you look. But the amount of discomfort involved in being here -- man, it's a huge price to pay! Is it still worth it? Don't dare me. I would do it again in a minute.

    The ride from Mazar-e-Sharif to Kabul took about eight hours in a shared Toyota Corolla. I paid for two seats so there would be more room in the back. The driver was completely insane, often exceeding 80 m.p.h. while passing everyone and everything in sight. He came within a fraction of an inch from smashing into a donkey that was crossing the road. It was so close you could smell its breath and see the pupils of its eyes. Then he almost hit a calf. Finally his luck ran out. At the entrance to a small tunnel near the Salang Pass (approx 10,000 ft.) he slid into an oncoming car. The front-left tire went flat and was pushed inward rendering the car completely useless. A huge argument ensued between the two drivers with each blaming the other for the accident. Truthfully, both were at fault. My driver replaced the tire, and somehow hobbled another mile before giving up at the entrance of the main tunnel. T.C. and I bailed out.

    We stood at the entrance to the highest tunnel in the world. It was really cold and windy, and we were hoping someone would take pity on us and give us a ride. The wait seemed excessively long. Finally, in the distance we saw two U.N. vehicles approaching. You know, the ones that are big, warm, safe and comfortable. They slowly drove by and one of the passengers waved "no" with his index finger. They didn't stop to inquire about our problem or attempt to determine if we were suffering from the initial symptoms of hypothermia. Nothing. Thanks, guys! What humanitarians you are! It must be such grueling work to be in an impoverished, war-torn country, spending every moment in first-world comfort. I hope you gag on your sterilized, four-course meal and get stuck in the elevator of your five-star hotel.

    Anyway, to make a long story short, a car pulled up with some well-dressed locals in it. They gave us a ride to Kabul no questions asked. The driver was extremely cautious, and he even took us directly to the front door of our hotel. They never asked for one penny, but we gave them some money anyway. I think this story speaks for itself.

    Burka Beggars: I'm all for giving small change to those in need, but when every female beggar is covered from head to toe, how can you possibly decide who truly deserves a donation? Someone suggested giving to the ones whose burka was most in need of washing, but I decided the best indicator was to listen for the one who howled, cried or yelled the loudest.

    Sticking out like a sore thumb: Forget trying to blend in. There are so few foreigners walking around, it seems the whole nation knows you're here. In Mazar-e-Sharif, I was talking to a guy on the street who in the middle of our conversation casually announced, "I saw you in Kunduz two days ago." Then when I was in Herat, I walked into an electrical supply store for some neighborhood information. "I saw you walking down Chicken Street in Kabul," the shop manager said. I totally understand why this happened. I can count on one hand the number of Americans I've met on this trip.

    My camera wasn't quick enough! Red lettering on the side of a white car driving down Kabul's famous Chicken Street: "KNWOLEDGE IS POWER"

    Family Entertainment: At the Kabul Zoo (yes, there really is a Kabul Zoo), for US$2 you can check out...

  • A gigantic pig that will make your body have sudden, uncontrollable cravings for a fresh ham sandwich -- until he looks in your direction and defecates. Doesn't matter anyway. In this Muslim country where oinking foodstuffs are porksona-non-grata, Mr. Gigantic Pooping Pig's future is 100% secure.

  • Fornicating Bears. What else is there for them to do if you think about it?

  • Male and female Chinese lions, two baby sharks, a cage full of vultures, a four-horned goat, an intimidating plastic crocodile, and much more

  • Oh, and I almost forgot the main attraction...you! You'll feel like an imported African giraffe as all the stunned locals prefer to gawk at you over any other creature within the boundaries of this park.

    First-Class Food in Kabul: That's right everyone! Don't hate me for abandoning another plate of oily, bacteria-laden rice for some top-notch grub. My two favorite places were delicious but absolutely impossible to find...

    Gandamack Lodge: New England clam chowder, pasta, Buffalo wings, a full bar. Wow! But where the hell is this place? Nobody knows the name of the street it's on. There is no sign at the entrance to the courtyard that leads to an unmarked locked gate. After the security guard peers through an index-card-sized hole in the door and lets you in, you'll see no signs on the large house in front of you. Ahhh, but walk down to the basement and upon entry you will be rewarded with instant transport to an English-style pub and an outstanding meal. The bar requires a US$45 deposit before they serve you a single drink, and you can play with some automatic weapons (which have never been deactivated) while you wait for your food.

    The Flower Street Cafe: Investors in Afghanistan, let me give you hint. Don't call your restaurant "The Flower Street Cafe" if it's not on or anywhere near Flower Street! It's in a neighborhood called Qala-e-Fatullah on a street called Street #7 in a house, in theory, numbered 57. Problem is in Kabul there are very few street names, there are even fewer street signs, and house numbers are about as common as bar mitzvahs. Most people in the neighborhood don't even know what Street #7 is. When the taxi driver finally found it, nobody on the street knew the location of #57 or even heard of this cafe.

    It took us a long while to locate this sumptuous spot on the lucky-numbered street, which should really be called Knee-Deep-In-Mud Street. There was a tiny sign, and beyond the door was a path to a house in the back. Inside this house were several tables where five English-speaking foreigners were dining on lunch. I ordered a bacon cheeseburger, freshly squeezed orange juice, French fries, tomato soup, and a plump brownie for US$18.

    Ready or not, Herat I come! My favorite city in Afghanistan was Herat, which is located in the northwest part of the country near the borders of Iran and Turkmenistan. Major roads were paved, people were pleasant and friendly, nobody tormented me for free money, and the weather was good. I didn't have to sleep in my winter coat underneath two-dozen blankets.

    Four Favorites in Herat:

  • Marco Polo Hotel: Free Internet connection in your room, free laundry service, free breakfast, free drinks, free rides to/from the airport, great location, private bathroom and shower, English TV channels. I'm sold! My room was US$46 per night.

  • Fardeen Market: Owned by an affable Afghan-American guy who really knows how to stock his store. Here you can buy Dr. Pepper, Pop-Tarts, and Reeses Pieces. Look for his fried chicken restaurant which will soon be opening upstairs.

  • Herat Buffet: Run by the same family and largely managed by two boys, 11 and 14, who speak perfect English. 350 Afghanis (US$7) for all you can eat and that includes soft drinks. Make this your second home.

  • Oasis Coffee: Home of what may be western Afghanistan's only industrial-strength cappuccino and espresso machine. This pleasant place opened only a couple months ago and is owned by an American from Denver. It's a cozy spot that could easily be mistaken for an independent coffee shop in San Francisco's Mission District. They also have hot chocolate, homemade brownies, and (best of all) a modern sit-down toilet.


    City of Kunduz, Afghanistan as seen from the roof of the Ariana Hotel



    Kunduz: Firewood salesman



    Kunduz: Nearly all women wear burkas even in places the Taliban doesn't rule



    Mazar-e-Sharif: Shrine of Hazrat Ali



    Johnny "Mike" Spann memorial at Qala-i-Jangi west of Mazar-e-Sharif



    On the left is where American Taliban John Walker Lindh was captured. He was flooded out of the hole.
    In the middle is the memorial to fallen CIA agent Johnny "Mike" Spann
    On the right is one of many buildings at Qala-i-Jangi with visible scars from a huge battle with the Taliban



    Pictures of Ahmad Shah Massoud are a common sight in some Taliban-free zones



    Mazar-e-Sharif: Boy selling hats



    Mazar-e-Sharif: No, it's not raining newborn sheep. They are used to make
    expensive fur hats, like the one Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai wears.



    The highest tunnel in the world (about 10,000 ft.) at Salang Pass north of Kabul



    Kabul: Darulaman Palace was wrecked during the civil war of the 1990's



    Kabul: This billboard encourages people to call the police in times of trouble



    15th-century Herat minarets



    If I opened a shop here, I would opt for a red sign. What do you think?



    "I want learn how speak English witout teacher!"



    One would think the people of Kabul have more pressing problems then finding a good gym



    Kabul: I pray to Allah the interest rates are good.
    (Note: Islamic banks do not allow the payment of interest)



    Kabul: A fellow traveler was using this Iranian detergent which means "snow."
    What's next? Snot liquid soap?



    Kabul: Everybody needs a little AFC!



    Mazar-e-Sharif: Children flock around to get a glimpse of their picture on a digital camera



    I paid forty cents for this plastic wallet with "Ben Laden" alongside
    the American flag. Is this a peculiar souvenir or what? Has the U.S. signed
    a peace agreement with him and neglected to send a press release?
    (Note: The spelling "Ben Laden" is sometimes used by the French media)



    The flag of Afghanistan